Since Baby GHM arrived in our lives with the approximate force of a hurricane I feel like I’ve been on a pretty steep learning curve with adjusting to life with a new baby (said everyone with a new baby ever).
One of the biggest shifts that I’ve only recently come to recognize as a gift disguised in the packaging of feeling out of control all the time is a gradual relaxing of all my standards of everything because I am recognizing that I will never be as on top of my shit as I was before I had a baby.
In many ways this is good, or at least, I am choosing to recognize it as a good thing (a gift, if you will). Before I had a baby I think I could safely describe my personality as mildly obsessive and controlling (the best way to get something done is to do it yourself, amirite??) Delegation has always been hard for me (because what if it doesn’t happen in the way/time frame I would do it??) as has trusting that things will take care of themselves (better to send twenty text messages and emails to make sure that everyone is on the same page). Every personality trait that can be a strength can also be a weakness, depending on how you channel it (and, in my opinion, how much therapy you’ve been to). My obsessive and controlling traits have had positive affects in my life (I credit them for me being able to simultaneously work full-time, run a theatre company, create an ever-growing farmstead and to do all these things well) but I knew that they also were poised to become detriments to my life with a baby if I could not find some middle ground with them.
Turns out I should have had a baby years ago – suddenly everything that seemed so important just a few weeks ago…is now not so important anymore. Well, many things are still important to get done, but I’m tired/scattered enough that I’m able to effectively delegate between the things that need to matter and the things that kinda…don’t.
For example, how I used to obsessively check all text messages for any typos because that would not do? That stopped the day she was born.
I still think about all my to-dos and keep all my lists for the house, garden, work, etc. But I also just let her nurse and watch her and bliss out at how marvelously perfect our baby is and let everything else fade away.
So while there might be a few emails to send out and while the floor really needs to be vacuumed (and swept) that’s all okay. It’ll all get done eventually.
Already our baby is changing me for the better.
Cheers and Love,
Maple and Me