Last Wednesday I got engaged. To my lovely partner Maple. And I’m pretty stoked.
Just kidding…no, this blog post will go past that. Anyone who has listened to me talk in the last, oh, 10 years or so, could give you a quick run-down on my views on marriage. For those just catching up now I spent my early twenties stating forcefully that I would never get married, that marriage is ownership, that I would never be completely possessed by a partner, and why do we even want to be a part of the clique-y club where only straight people (in many states) can even get married and that marriage is an institution of oppression, and that any partner of mine would just have to get used to not having marriage, and that I wasn’t against commitment, but the institution of marriage etc. etc.
So what happened? Well, at the ripe old age of 26 I realized that maybe declarative statements were, in fact, the only way to ever guarantee that you would do what you had oh-so-declaratively stated that you wouldn’t. (Though marriage wasn’t on my mind when I had this realization: “I’ll only date women” and “I’ll never get a tattoo” Were the inspiration for that particular epiphany…) And a year later I re-proved this to myself by meeting Maple and, for the first time in my life, wanting to be married.
I still believe to my core that marriage is a universal human right. Though, I do want our system to change (and am willing to work to this end!) so that everyone would just get civil ceremonies for the legality of insurance, benefits and dependents, and that ‘marriage’ was left to be exactly what it is: a ceremony.
I think the reality of my life, inviting my mothers (together for 21 years) and all my gay and lesbian friends who cannot get married to a wedding is, well, it’s still a little hard for me to wrap my head around. But as I was reading ‘Savage Love’ (NOTE TO EVERYONE: READ SAVAGE LOVE) Dan Savage had this great statement to say about straight people getting married and inviting gay friends.
I know that I will not stop being a vocal advocate for human rights, or equality. I know that I do actually want to stand up in front of my community and state that Maple is the human I am so excited and grateful to share and spend my life with. And I really know that I do not want to wear a white dress. (So if anyone has any ideas, website or etsy shops to send my way…that’d be great.)
And just for the record, the declarative statements? I will never make a declarative statement again! Just kidding, take two: I’m really making an effort to stop making declarative statements.
Cheers and love,
Maple and Me